Families are complicated – they are the one system you cannot leave, because your life flowed from them, you share a genetic heritage. But you can be separated from family by your own or other people’s choices. Some need the separation to find out who they are, independent of family expectations, and others yearn for the connection and understanding of knowing exactly where they come from. For those fostered or adopted, there can be a sense of something missing, only heighted when asked ‘does this run in your family?’ or about their heritage.
Belonging is a fundamental need – to have a respected place to belong in the world is vital for our wellbeing, but that is a complex and challenging concept. For some it is anchored in culture, place or language – but right at the heart is family. From the nuclear to the extended, our family plus our early environment shapes us. Our sense of identity forms in layers around us as we grow, and life can interrupt that understanding, make it more complex or even a total mystery.
In the penultimate episode of this series of Endings, I interviewed Walter Hubley. This extraordinary man was courageous enough to share his 31-year search for his biological family—a journey that takes us through the complexities of identity, the meaning of family, and the very nature of belonging.
Walter Hubley’s life began with more questions than answers. Born to a young mother unable to care for him, he was placed in foster care and eventually adopted by a loving family. But as Walter grew, so did the questions about his origins.
From a young age, Walter knew he was adopted. His adoptive family was a melting pot of backgrounds, united by love and acceptance. Yet, the curiosity about his biological roots lingered, a quiet voice that grew louder with time. On his 18th birthday, armed with just a sliver of information, Walter embarked on a quest that would span decades. It was a quest filled with legal challenges, emotional encounters, and the relentless pursuit of truth.
Walter’s story is not just about the search; it’s about the discoveries along the way. How he tracked down his family, and the astonishing breaks and coincidences that led to unexpected reunions. His story is full of profound insight—into the human condition, the bonds that tie us, and the resilience of the heart.
Listening to Walter’s voice, I was incredibly moved by his unwavering commitment to finding his family, and his courage to risk devastating rejection to give his father the choice that was denied him – to get to know his son. Walter was prepared to risk his heart over and over in his search for where he came from. His story is a must for anyone who has ever wanted to understand more about themselves and their place in the world. It’s a narrative that transcends Walter’s personal experience, touching on universal themes of belonging that resonate with us all.
One particular thing I noticed was how Walter never differentiates between siblings, there is no use of half / step / biological / adopted – only when he was trying to make things clear for others. To him, it seems, only the connection matters – he has sisters and brothers, regardless of how they came into his life. For a child who could have grown up feeling alone, that is what matters.
Walter’s search is proof that the end of each journey is the beginning of another. It’s a story that will make you believe in the possibility of finding light, even when the road ahead seems dark and uncertain.
His story might make you want to call your own family too. It is too easy for connection to be lost in the distractions and competing choices for our limited time. So even if you know every member of your family and where they are, remember they won’t always be there. Choose how connected you want to be, with that in mind. At the end of our lives, we probably won’t be comforted by the thought of all the meetings, emails, social media time we spent, but the connections we made with the people we love. Family is family – however it came together. And yes, sometimes it’s complicated.
