Letting go…
Holiday season is upon us and I’m always amazed at the stress going away can cause. I talk to leaders across the public and private sector and I often hear how the week before a holiday becomes a nightmare. We work later and harder to meet deadlines, have everything squared off and handed over for our organisations to work on, oblivious of our absence.
Three things come to mind. First, if absence makes the heart grow fonder maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for our organisations, customers and clients to miss us just a little. Otherwise, even the best service slips from a privilege to an expectation. Expectation can become entitlement and then people who work hard to make a difference can find themselves in a thankless cycle of ever increasing expectations and institutional entitlement.
Second, in a global economy increasingly focused on partnership, it is important to connect on a human level. It can be useful to remind some customers or clients that we are not machines, and we need to rest and recharge from time to time.
Thirdly, holidays are the times when we are meant to stop, recuperate, and return refreshed. Yet I know too many stories of phones around the pool, dashing inside for a quick Teams call, cycling around to find an Internet café or sitting on a hillside not looking at the scenery but at emails. So much for having a rest.
When you ask people why they do, it the answers range from duty to guilt. Being driven by duty is fine – as long as that duty of care extends to yourself at least four weeks a year. Learning to meet your own needs can take work for some of us; the blueprints for our beliefs to do that are laid down in childhood. Being driven by guilt can only harm you – cortisol spikes and stress rises as a sense of ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘ought to’… overwhelms. And yes, I accept that some would find NOT looking at emails stressful, but perhaps that needs reconsidering at in the context of a whole life and the impact on those we love.
So, a starting point is learning how to prepare for a guilt free holiday. Delegate what you can, handover with clear instructions and leave a landline contact number for extreme emergencies. Then, do what is fair and reasonable up to the day you leave and let go of whatever is left to do. You are not being selfish to think about yourself, you are simply ‘putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others’.
Visualise whatever hasn’t been done turning into leaves and blowing away. The leaves will return when you do, and no guilt is needed over their loss, it is a natural thing. Visualise your responsibilities as a heavy overcoat; for some of us it has rocks in the pockets and is a heavy burden, for others it’s worn lightly. You will feel ready to put it back on after a real break. So, stand up and visualise it slipping from your shoulders – you will feel lighter and free and you can let go of responsibility for a while.
Have fun, happy holidays.
Hazel
